You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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