Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
