you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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