it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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