It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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