I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize