i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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