how hairy? two words: wookie tits
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize