Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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