I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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