im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
A bitchslap is in order.
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