I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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