guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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