It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
