Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
