Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
