My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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