Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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