too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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