come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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