I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
