Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
