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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
