you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
