Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
