I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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