i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
