i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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