U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
