so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
