Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
