Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
