don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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