I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
