why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
