Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
