so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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