I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
