If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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