I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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