he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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