I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
