what day is it and did you see me today?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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