We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
