Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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