phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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