Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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