Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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