I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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