Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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