I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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