now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize