i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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