Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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