im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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