He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
