I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
