shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
