NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
